Sunday, May 19, 2013

Letting Go of Perfection

During my pregnancy, I experienced a strange change in my personality.  Maybe it was motivated by an urge to control what I could.  If so, it manifested in me wanting everything baby-related to be perfect (or as close to it as possible).  We completely overhauled one of our spare bedrooms to create the nursery, and I did my best to ensure that no detail was overlooked.  I cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned some more in preparation for his arrival.  Yes, I know that is commonly known as nesting - but I was hit hard, in that it really got to me if something was left unfinished, messy, imperfect - in other words, my slight tendency toward OCD really ramped up.

Well, needless to say, not everything is perfect.  In fact, some would say that virtually nothing is.  And especially once Calvin arrived, I had to realize that working full-time and taking care of him does not leave much time for obsessive house-cleaning.  But I'm mostly keeping my head above water these days.  Is my house frequently messy?  Yes (Brian can attest to that, considering he makes the majority of the mess - but to his credit, he does help with the cleaning whenever I ask).  Is that ok?  Yep!  As long as things are kept reasonably in order, I'd much rather spend my limited free time playing with my son.  Maybe I'll hire a maid, hmm...

But in all seriousness, it extends beyond just wanting a clean house (at least when we have company).  Calvin very well may be our only child, so I feel this constant urge to "make it count."  To get this right and make everything about raising my child the best it can possibly be.  Not that that makes me different from most every other parent out there, but I do feel that perhaps it nags at me more because I know this is my one and (probably) only opportunity to knock being a mom out of the park.  So maybe it makes a little sense why I crave perfection.  

We have a little family photo shoot scheduled for this Sunday afternoon.  Brian can tell you that I planned the outfits far in advance.  He knows that I put a ridiculous amount of thought into it.  He can admit that I've actually suggested we practice posing all together in the mirror so we can nail the shoot.  Someone help me, please.  :D

But the more I think about it, the more I want these pictures to ring true, not be some glossed-over, unrealistic version of who we are.  So yes, we'll be coordinated with each other and we'll be sure to suck it in (ha), but beyond that, I hope we'll just be our real selves.  Wonderfully imperfect.
@ Race for the Cure 5.18.13

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